Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Is there ever really a right time?

Not much input here in the last time. Must have had some reason? There were.

After some 14 years (f...ing stats!) of common life, I finally had to listen to my reason and to my broken heart, and so this last Sunday morning I asked my wife to leave to give our nine years old son and myself a chance to preserve the loving and peaceful relationship we've both had built up over the time. Though the saddest and most aching decision of my life, it was the only reasonable way to stop the situation worsening to the point of leaving only hate. This leaves Frédérique the possibility to fully embrace the freedom she seeks to try to model her life as she wishes.

With the simple discarding of an imperfect but apparently sincere relationship, a family project was quite unnecessarily destroyed. A difficulty to find the words, an impossibility to share common problems, a hope to resolve things all alone beyond capacity, unwilling to face responsibility, all of this converged to a cynical wave of uncaring, secrecy, hypocrisy, and denial which ultimately transformed into a total lack of common sense respect and to betrayal. In all this, the finality is not what is hurting so much, but the icy fact that the problem was finally much deeper rooted than I would ever, ever have expected.

We shall all three have to learn to endure and master our pain and this is in fact a hard learning for a nine years old boy. Now by facing our responsibilities, we may offer him the caring environment he deserves to grow up in serenity. On my side, I now see the long darkened skies starting to clear up. Soon a beautiful radiating sun will emerge over the horizon and guide our path. I've always found beauty in the simplest things and the world brought me much such presents from which I was able to fill my inner tank with the energy needed in the harder times. Now I get an even better chance to share such joys with my beloved son.

Though my qualification in the Swiss National F3F Team for the upcoming World Championship 2012 was much saddened by those recent events, my motivation is not hurt and I'll do my best to prepare myself for the F3F Event of the Year!

To turn the page of this personal story, I would like to end this post with a song written 2011 by the great melodic metal band Dream Theater. Like many of their songs, this one called "Beneath The Surface" went straight into my heart. I think I found a nice clip with the lyrics, so all of those who are touched too may sing along with me. I wish all your reachable dreams come true.

Frédérique, sorry you got trapped into your dream theater, but your magic is not there... I saw it in you!

3 comments:

  1. How well words sound when come from the heart, tough sad like these. Wish you all the best.

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  2. Thanks Henry. Thanks for the words. Tough times, but many positive expectations about the future! See you in La Muela at Eastern.

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  3. Good vibes from this side of the lake and peace to your slopes

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